Crazy!

I felt like I was going crazy while waiting for surgery. I was still pleased with myself for having made a decision but good grief did I second guess myself! So many questions went through my mind, should I do the lumpectomy? Should I call and tell her to cut the cancer boob off, wait should I cut both off? Boy, life was tough! I was a hot mess express to say the least. But I was trying to remain calm, happy and blessed for I had made my decision and there was no turning back. My surgery was set for the following week, that was not to long to wait, that is what you think BUT with knowing you have cancer, at least for me I was always thinking it was spreading every second of the day. It was a never ending cycle, always thinking why could I not have had surgery the same day, I mean realistically we know that is not possible but when your mind starts to wonder (and it does) there is just so much information you are processing, it is so easy to go down a rabbit hole. It is hard not to think dark thoughts, everything is uncertain, so much unknown and what I learned is it is ok to have those thoughts, there is no right or wrong way of dealing with cancer, it is a beast that tries to consume your every move, I allowed it to consume me for days then I was like, hell no, I have cried, been scared out of my mind but I know I am a fighter and I will not let this demon win, it was time to stop going crazy and get ready to fight! 

When Life Gives You Lemons…Make Lemonade or Margaritas, whichever suits your fancy!