I`m Sick

This one particular day we had been to radiation and they were really concerned with Mikes weight loss, I was concerned also. He was losing weight so fast, like a lot of weight. He could not drink anything as he could not swallow, I was afraid of him getting dehydrated. He was getting fluids on Fridays at chemo but it did not seem to me like that was enough. The doctor at radiation wanted him to keep trying to eat something, it was impossible, he could not swallow a damn thing. I mentioned a feeding tube as the doctor had said something about it in the beginning but he was not wanting to do it at this time as he wanted Mike to try and eat or drink, again impossible. Mike was beyond frustrated, I was also. I mean can you even imagine not being able to eat or drink anything, I felt like he was going to starve to death. He was in a lot of pain this particular day, I had sent a message to the Oncologist through the portal. They immediately got back with me, they were going to change his pain medicine, I will admit I was skeptical about this, if he was not able to eat I was afraid he would get sick from the change. I was not sure what throwing up would feel like since his throat was already raw, I just felt awful for him. We proceeded forward with changing the medicine, I went and picked it up that afternoon. It was liquid which was good but it was a really strong, high dose of medicine, I was scared when I saw what had been prescribed. When I got home he wanted to try a dose as he was hurting so bad. I gave him a little less than what the prescription called for, he took it, sat on the couch and within minutes he was projectile vomiting across the living room. He went to the bathroom as quickly as he could. I went to check on him, I told him to get a shower and I would clean the living room, he kept apologizing for throwing up everywhere, I did not give a rats ass about that, I was worried about him. As I was cleaning the floor (mopping) I somehow tripped over the mop bucket and went flying across the floor, I was sure I had broke my ankle (I had not!) Mikes comes barreling through as he had heard me, I was laid out in the mop water, crying. I was not crying from pain, it was honestly from everything, Mike hurting, him throwing up, not being able to eat or drink, so much going on. I got up (with his help) finished cleaning and just sat on the couch thinking, could this day get any worse?

When Life Gives You Lemons…Make Lemonade or Margaritas, whichever suits your fancy!